Mi mancherei

I just found out that my little brother won't be coming home when I thought he would be. "Little" brother may be a misnomer, he's only two years younger than me, but sometimes it feels like he's still that little kid I knew growing up. I haven't seen him in three years and the separation is starting to make my heart ache. He's away in the Cape Verde islands serving a mission and I'm proud of his commitment and endurance. I just wish he could come home before I too leave the country. I don't know how long I'll be gone and seeing him for a few days will not be enough.

I want to scream in frustration.

I'll probably settle for a few more good cries and then get on with it. Damn life and its duplicity.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Summer is looming closer and I feel the culmination of recent and not so recent decisions waiting patiently for me. One's future is hardly written in stone, but sometimes it does seem to be sending me over the cliff at an alarming rate.

Slowing time. How many people have wished vainly for that? I count myself as one of them. Slowing it to the point where I could control several flows at once. I could live multiple lives at a time. It's hard to keep focused.

Let the changes to come leave me with a semblance of self and minimal scars.